The famed US presidential residence, the White House, has just been entirely repainted and renamed in Joe Biden’s ongoing fight against racism. “The vice pr–I mean the president felt that it was necessary to make this move to show support for the Black Lives Matter movement, and as a decisive action against the white supremacist roots in America’s history,” said Biden’s Press Secretary Jen Psaki. “The Black House is far more sensitive to perselfs of color.”
“My husband is doing this in order to show his solidarity with non-white Americans and dreamers,” First Lady Jill Biden said. “Also, Joe couldn’t find the house yesterday after he had been out walking in the snow, because it was the same color. Wandering around in the cold, we were afraid he’d caught—” at this point, CNN abruptly stopped playing Jill Biden’s statement and switched to a commercial for Fredo Cuomo’s Sarongs–Look Great for Any Date! (endorsed by Bill Clinton).
Certain words and books are also now being declared off limits due to racial or LGBTQXYZLMNOP sensitivity and concerns that the words might be sexist or likely to encourage bad decision-making among the lumpenproletariat. Among numerous other changes, “Friday” is being changed to “Broccoli-day,” per Michelle Obama’s advice and in an effort to encourage obese people not to eat unhealthy foods on that day. “Personality” is being changed to “perselfality,” as “per-SON-ality” has a gendered word in it.
Candy companies are being told to rename “white chocolate” as “privileged chocolate.” Almost all books written before 2021 are being recalled because they use the words “man,” “woman,” “boy,” “girl,” or “reality” in them.
And the very newly appointed Secretary of Diversity is asking all Americans to erase their individual perselfalities as much as hu-womynly possible, so that we can achieve true diversity through sameness.
New “Black House” merchandise is now being sold at prices starting at $500. Remember, poor and oppressed peoples of America, your President cares about you!