CRANKSVILLE, FLORIDA: A mid-sized city with a high percentage of senior citizens saw riots today over an “Old Geezer” costume being sold by Party City (pictured below).
A mostly-peaceful crowd of geezers got up at five (after going to bed at six the previous night) to attack and loot a building that they mistook for a Party City location, but which those with better eyesight later realized was a restaurant.
Although the more frugal in the group wanted to stop rioting and take advantage of the restaurant’s “early bird special,” the vigorous protest left most lying exhausted on the ground. They were unable to get up or summon help, as none had purchased a Life Alert membership.
“Geezer is an offensive term,” Archie Bunions, one of the rioters, told reporters at the scene:
“We prefer people use politically correct terms such as “old fart,” preferably as loudly as possible, because most of us don’t hear very well.”
Interviews with other protesters revealed that their real complaint was with the nearly thirty dollar costume price, five times what it would have cost in their day.
A police officer attempting to intervene in the situation was initially driven back by a hail of thrown dentures, which stuck to him due to being covered in Polident. Although most of the protesters then made their escape on souped-up mobility scooters, a woman was arrested at the scene for possession of five bottles of decades-old prescription drugs – only one of which had been originally prescribed to her.